If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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