Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
