i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We were destined to go to rehab together
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
