I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
