Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
