i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
