I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
