I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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