you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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