I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
