she woke up with a sticky ear
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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