Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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