the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
