not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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