...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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