I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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