does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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