We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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