I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
