No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize