The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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