I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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