so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who died my cat blue again?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
