Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
