All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
