i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
