There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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