Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
