are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
