Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
