Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
