If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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