You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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