When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize