The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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