I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A bitchslap is in order.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
