i was born a porn star she said
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
