Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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