I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
