i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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