Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
