Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
