are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
