i was born a porn star she said
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
