I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
