i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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