brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
