You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
