im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
