forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize