i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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