i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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