I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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