He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
they need to just BURY HIM!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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