Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
